Sunday 23 January 2011

my worst nightmare (BASHA)

‘ajin’..

Aku terjage dari tidur..

‘basha cam makin teruk jek...’

Aku amek spek, then tgk basha.. basha breathing with a slightly opened mouth... smalam tak gtu... siyes aku tgk camtu, aku tau mesti basha makin susah nafas... siap berbunyi lagi.. aku tgk jam, baru pkol 7.59am.. shit.. klinik yg ktorg g smalam tu opens at 10am... basha..... sabar okay??

Sementara nak tggu g klinik, fza force feed basha... then ktorg bagi basha makan obat demam yg dapat semalam... then ktorg siap2..

We decided to take adah’s car... much cooler than my charade... if basha nek charade, makin teruk aku rase karang... bahang kete charade tu bukan leh memain... and adah bagi gne kete dier...

At klinik tu, ktorg dapat doc yg same cam smalam.. (That clinic has 3 doc) which is good... bcoz dier tau basha nyer condition.. dier check temperature basha and dier kate good... temperature dah trun.. normal... basha dah tak demam... then we explained to her about basha’s difficulty in breathing... then the doc decide to do x-ray... and yes, it costs us again... hmmm...

The doc asks us to wait for half an hour so she tells us to go for breakfast... and we did... pi mamak makan roti canai... kat ctu jek fza dah feared the worst.. sambil makan sambil nangis... i told her (yet again) ‘bukannyer kiter tak wat pape.. kte dah antar g klinik sume... dah bagi ubat sume.. tp if dah ajal, nak wat cmane??’ after breakfast, aku g cucuk wit... the treatment sure is costly...

At klinik, doc tu tunjuk x-ray basha... she said, bahagian chest dier penuh air... jd dari x-ray tu nak tgk heart pon tak nmpak coz dah penuh ngan air.. her lungs terapung coz penuh air.. tu pasal lar basha susah nafas... coz dier dapat gne lungs dier dalam 15-20%... sian kan??

Then doc tu explain, ‘what we can do is, we suck the fluids out of her body... but i have to tell you this, this treatment can make her die bcoz she has difficulties in breathing... if mase nak suck tu basha cam stress, they have to sedate her and bg oksigen.. u have to be prepared..’ take note that mase doc ni terangkan prosedur tu, dier tak tau lagi basha ni sakit ape.. doc ni just nak keluarkan fluid tu then tgk ape jadi...

Mase doc tu ckp yg basha mite die, fza dah start nangis.. doc tu prasan so she focused her attention to me.. aku mase tu dah nak nanges but aku tahan coz doc tu still nak terangkan masalah basha... then after dier dah terangkan sume2, doc tu pat fza’s back... doc tu paham... so, fza and i decide to tinggalkan basha kat klinik tu for 1 day.. keluar jek dari klinik tu, baru aku nangis... on the way back, fza n i didn’t talk to each other.. both lost for words.. fza keeps on crying and i cried silently while driving..

Back at home aku n fieza tros masuk bilik.. slightly ignoring our housemate but bukan ape.. ktorg tgh sedey n tak tau cmane nak ckp.... kat bilik, aku tros tdo.. coz aku mmg tak cukup tdo... but actually, aku tdo pon cam tdo2 ayam... thing is, ble kte sengsorg, we start to think negative things... dalam ati, aku lagi prefer if basha die at the clinic... coz aku tak smpai ati nak tgk muke basha... but at the same time, aku cam regret coz mase aku nak tinggalkan basha, aku cume dapat ckp, ‘bye basha’... and basha tak nyahut coz dier ngah try nak nafas... n paler basha tunduk jek.. so, ble dok sorg2 aku rase terkilan sgt if pape jadi kat dier, aku tak dapat nak peluk dier.. haish...

Then, pkol 6:05pm tadi, doc lian tu kol aku... dier kate, dier dah kuarkan fluids dari badan basha.. dier estimate cam ‘if u consider a mineral water, the small mineral water, its about a quarter from that... that’s consider a lot for a kitten’.. then dier cakap yg fluids tu ader ckit lagi kat badan basha n esok pagi dier akan suck lagi.. then doc tu cakap, basha dah start cari makanan.. dier dah mule makan.. then breathing dier pon dah okay.. then doc tu kate dier x-ray balik and dier tgk takde yg pecah or anything... mase ni, aku cam lega ckit...

BUT.......

After saying that, doc tu ckp ‘but here’s the bad news... we discover that basha have been infected with FIP... (korg leh click link ni utk tau fip tu ape http://www.peteducation.com/article.cfm?c=1+2134&aid=212) coz we check fluids dari badan basha tu and fluids tu cam sticky2.. there are thousands of reasons for fip to happen.. n sebab basha is a stray cat, reasons dier lagi byk.. aku mmg tak tau pnyakit2 basha ni but the doc further explained..

‘Cats yg dapat this virus or disease ni, akan keluarkan fluids dari dalam badan diorg sendiri... ader 2 part... satu, kat abdomen and satu kat chest.. disease ni is incurable and eventually basha will die.. coz disease ni akan sentiase reoccurs.. there are no specific treatment for this kind of disease.. basha kene kat chest parts... involving lungs and heart.. usually, we as a doctor gives two choices for the owner..

1. U can bring her back and treat her to be more comfortable and just play with her.. but bcoz it is incurable, basha akan mule jadi sesak nafas balik and eventually she will die..

2. Or u can choose to inject her so she can die peacefully, la.. bcoz if not, she will have difficulties in breathing again and she may suffers.. if we inject her, we can spare her from suffering..

Ya Allah... after doc ckp gtu, hanye tuhan jek lar yg tau cmane aku rase time gtu.. mase tu aku still on the phone with the doc but mate aku dah ngalir.. nak ckp pon cam tersekat2.. then doc tu kate, aku leh amek basha esok and to give her a call ble aku nak datang amek basha.. after that phone call, i went upstairs to break the news to fza..

We both cried.. To know that our beloved cat cannot be saved and will eventually die.. it hurts.. it hurts badly.. haiz... fza and i ponders about the right choice to make... we both called our parents.. fza called her father and i called mama.. Both parents ckp the same thing..

‘nak wat camane?? Kte dah ikhtiar... if doc dah cakap gtu, kte dah takleh wat pape...’ n Mama said ‘ikot akak lar nak wat choice yg mane’...

So aku n fieza wat decision to pick up basha tomorrow after class.. then mase raya cina, ktorg bawak balik basha ke jb.. n kat sane baru ktorg suntik.. if dalam mase nak balik jb tu basha sesak nafas balik, ktorg g klinik utk suck balik fluids yg ader.. asalkan ktorg dapat bawak basha balik jb.. if anything happens, let it be at jb.. bcoz basha mmg tak dapat hidup lama.. if ikot dari website, paling kurang pon, 2 months when the cats have been infected.. basha ni aku tak tau lar dah brape mggu dier kene.. coz dier start demam last week.. L

Haiz.. sedeh sgt ble cmni... ble tau yg basha takleh diselamatkan.. kecik lagi basha tu.. tak smpai setahun... tp nak wat cmane?? Bende dah nak jadi.. wpon aku slalu ckp, ‘if dah ajal, kte takleh wat pape’ but still, aku sedih sgt.. cam cepat sgt... cam........tak percaye.. hmmm.. kesian fza.. banyak wit dier keluarkan for basha.. and fza lar gak yg jage basha mase kat jb.. wpon aku yg kutip basha dari bazaar ramadhan tu, tp fza lagi sayang kat basha...

Anyway,will update more about basha... but for all we know, basha will die... sob sob.. keje and assignment pon aku tak wat... bcoz 2 hari ktorg spend g clinic...

p.s: nak dekat 2 jam aku wat bende ni.. Keeps on stopping bcoz asek nangis... basha............................ L

3 comments:

  1. saba eh ajin..aq pon sedih jgk..tp tulah,,mang kene kuat semangat..kalo nak nanes,nanes jek..

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  2. hi akak.. i've been through the same and definitely know how you feel.. i drove from shah alam all the way to a vet in UPM for treatment.. time tu pun masih belajar.. some ppl find it awkward to have feelings over a cat.. when i had to choose. i chose for my cat to die naturally.. cos it would hv felt tht i'm responsible for his death.. but it's up to you.. maybe you're stronger? anyways, just care for basha until the day.. that's all basha needs from you now..

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  3. thankz kak masnie.. hukhuk.. sedey.. okay...

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